So far this week I’ve been in touch with the spirits, of the ghostly kind, and helped the homeless – now time for a workout.
I have never worked out to an exercise video. I worry someone will walk in whilst I’m doing it, making me look like a complete nobhead (must learn not to care what people think), but mainly I haven’t done it because I’m lazy.
Once again I turned to the internet for help as old-school VHS workout videos are hard to get hold of these days, in fact they are retro so I imagine they’re now more expensive than their original price. My first line of investigation on the internet is Davina McCall, I’ve heard she loves a good workout. I look for her life-changing videos on YouTube and quickly discover why Davina is so rich. There are no full workout videos just trailers advertising her full video – Savvy McCall.
I don’t want to go on about Davina McCall, British TV presenting royalty that she is, but I did once share a MOMENT with her. I was working as Santa Claus in a Christmas grotto (a very desperate time) when Davina came in with her young daughter. She sat next to me whilst the daughter told me what she wanted for Christmas. Now I can’t promise that in my head I didn’t pretend I was married to Davina and this was our child, bit weird I know, particularly as I don’t even fancy her but that was what was happening in my head at the time.
So, who could I turn to next to achieve my home alone afternoon workout (I really should be looking for a job). I found Jordon/Katie Price’s workout video, and after watching the YouTube clip for about two minutes I nearly jumped out of the window with the window still closed. I then messaged my fitness instructor friend who suggests the Holy Grail, the grandmother of exercise – Jane Fonda and her 80’s classic ‘Jane Fonda’s workout (for beginners)’.
The opening sequence to Jane Fonda’s video was possible the most euphoric 80’s experience of my life. Music, which would not be out of place on any level of Sonic the Hedgehog, plays as the camera pans around a Fame style dance studio. Attractive women dressed in brilliantly bright lyrica high-five each other as men in worryingly tight shorts jump up and down a bit…and then the camera settles on FONDA. Instant love.
At the start of the video there’s some ‘wonderful’ computer graphics followed by a disclaimer, which I wasn’t expecting, from the production company stating they are not responsible for any damage or loss. I feel I’ve taken this task on too lightly. We start with a warm-up, of course. The Sonic the Hedgehog music combined with excited whooping and cheering from the professional exercise types on the screen catches me by surprise – I feel really happy, or is it borderline pissing myself laughing. This was not the only surprise, after the warm-up and when things started getting a bit serious a singer called Leslie Lilien (no idea) steps forward and starts singing. Fonda encourages us to sing along at home whilst we work out. These are the words from the chorus:
There’s so much more to you than meets the eye
There’s so much more in you you’re going to try (appropriate on my new things challenge)
There’s so much more living, living, living
Living, living for yoooooou
Do it, Do it, Do it, Do it
I singing along, half-heartedly, all the time thinking please don’t let my flatmates come home right now. Incidentally I’ve also closed the blinds as I don’t want people walking past and me being THAT GUY in the window (again, must work on not caring what strangers think)
At one point we are made to hold our hips and flick our legs from side to side just like PSY of Gangnam Style fame, in fact almost too similar to PSY of Gangnam Style fame. I’m on to you cheeky Jane Fonda movement stealing South Korean.
Half-way through, and what sadly I thought was near the end, things got tough but Fonda knows this (she’s good, real good) and her voice is heard over the top of the workout, in an obi-wan Kenobi style, saying gently “keep going you can do it”. So I keep going until finally we reach the end. We all cheer together and I’m made to shout allowed “I did it”, I feel like a right idiot. But I did do it and can now no longer say I’ve have never workout with Jane Fonda.
So just remember: There’s much more to you than meets the eye, so just do it do it do it.